Toxic people or situations, we all come across them. You would think it is easy to let go. You detected what is toxic in your life, but you are still clinging to it like super glue. Maybe your friends or family get tired of watching you suffer, or even you question your own sanity. Do not forget we are only human beings which means we are all making mistakes.
Here are some reasons why we cannot let go of toxic people or situations:
Give them one more chance
That can count for toxic people or jobs. Maybe your partner cheated on you AGAIN, or your boss does not acknowledge your hard work, and you still did not get a pay rise or perhaps you haven’t been paid at all. Giving chances is okay. However, time passes by and compromising your self-worth and hoping that things are changing magically are very unlikely.
The nature of giving chances lies in the doubts of your own evaluation of the situation. Maybe you expected too much? Perhaps it was a one-off? Or maybe it is something wrong with you? Those kinds of questions very likely go through your mind. People can be stuck in a loop for years, decades or lifetimes because of this. It is the fear of change and adapting to a new lifestyle. Learn how to set boundaries without feeling guilty. Give chances but not again and again and again. Sometimes we need to walk away from something to either open another door that is meant for us or that your boss or partner wakes up and starts implementing changes.
Your Rules of Living get in the way
You maybe feel that your children should grow up with both parents hence you are not splitting up with your partner. Or you do not move into a different town, city or country because you do not want that your children lose their current friends. Rules of Living are the morals, traditions and survival and etiquette rules we learn as children from our parents and significant others. Some of them are helpful, but some of them can get in the way of letting go of toxic people and situations. Start to learn to question those rules.
You benefit from the toxicity!
That might surprise you. Yes, that toxic person or situation actually has some benefits for you. That is the real reason why you stay in touch with the toxicity. I am not saying that the reasons are valuable, but your mind tells you that they are. You will keep in touch with a toxic person or a toxic situation when the benefits outway or are equal to the negative side effects.
The benefits might be:
You stay with your partner because you would be financially worse off. Or you stay in the job because the job pays enough money for you to buy expensive things to keep you happy.
Staying in a toxic relationship might be because you at least do not feel alone. A lot of people stay in toxic relationships because they do not want to be alone, they are scared that they will never again find a partner or that they will be alone for a longer period of time. A lot of us only find self-love or self-worth in a relationship. Learn how to value yourself. Learn how to love yourself.
Being happy for a short moment:
This especially counts when we overeat or display toxic behaviours. We are chasing the instant gratification of happiness. You find this a lot in addiction. Understand that sitting with your emotions and sometimes not giving into instant gratification will create a more long-lasting form of happiness. There are no shortcuts. Happiness should be built on a solid foundation.
Raise your awareness and dig deep to let go of toxic people and situations
Dig deep, understand why you attach yourself to this toxicity. When you find your WHY, you know how to get out of it. Make a plan, ask for help. Look at the positives of letting go of toxic people and situations.
If you like you can listen to my podcast on this specific topic:
For your happiness, I wish for you that you can let go of whatever is toxic for you. TTFN. Tata for now.