How do we gain confidence? And why do other people seem to have more of it?
Some myths are saying that we are born with it, but this is very unlikely. Do you know that confidence or some people even would call it self-worth or self-esteem has all to do with your skill set? Here is why.
Our confidence levels are attached to the skills we have. Remember when you learned how to drive a car? Where you confident? Very unlikely! After a lot of practice and passing the test you might now sit in your car and do not even remember how you got to your destination. You are confident enough to drive your car.
Every single one of us also unconsciously puts a value on the skills we have. So you look at your occupation, your exam results, what you can and can’t do and rate how valuable your skills are in this world. Lots of us do this without even been aware of it. So you attach your self-worth to your skills which are connected to your confidence levels.
An example is that you might think as a secretary you are not as valuable as a doctor. You compare the skills to each other. What we forget is that we all started at zero. Experts were beginners; they did not start at an expert level. All they did was putting the time into it to master the new skill they learned. So here is how you can increase your confidence levels and with this also your self-worth.
1. Remind yourself that everybody started at Zero
Statistics stated before that it will take us on average 10,000 hours to become an expert in something. So practice every day the skill you want to learn or at least regularly.
2. Understand that perfectionism is not realistic
When we learn a new skill we make mistakes, that is normal. Think about this. A child learns how to walk and falls several times before it can walk. If we would have given up on the first attempt of walking no one of us would walk. Transfer this mindset to every skill you learn.
3. Detach yourself from people who are toxic
I know we might have people in our lives who always highlight what we cannot do or put us down. It is vital that you eliminate these people from your life. Connect with people who have the same interests as you and who lift you up and encourage you.
4. Look at your skills
Write down what skills you need to feel more confident? Rate from a 0 to 10 how good you are at this skill. Write down what you need to do to raise it by one point. Break it down into small steps. Next to this write also down the skills you know you are good at. We very often forget that we are actually good at things because these things are normal to us.
5. Get help from people
Well, get help from the right people. If you want to improve your skills, ask someone who inherits these skills, the person you know is an expert in it. If you cannot find an expert, look onto the internet, find an online group or get life coaching.
6. Rules of Living
I have written a whole article about this. Look at your rules of living, because your values and beliefs might stem from there. Sometimes we chose an occupation or life because we want to be valued by society or loved ones. People stuck in a profession they hate for life because they believed they could earn more money or have more self-esteem and are valued more by society. Choose an occupation with your gifts. What is easy for you? Where do you get joy from?
At the end of the day, we all have fluctuations in our confidence levels. Be gentle with yourself. No one is born with confidence. Feel free to contact me if you want to receive life coaching and work on your confidence levels or join my FREE Facebook Group.