Toxic behaviours in relationships. Of course, we know all the obvious toxic behaviours like addiction, cheating or physical or verbal abuse. But there are far more, and some of them might be not as obvious or even classed as acceptable.
Here are 7 toxic behaviours that can kill your relationship:
1. Complaining about your partner
Maybe it is the classic not closed toilet seat, or she is taking too long in the bathroom. All of us have weaknesses and strengths. One of the relationship killers is continuously complaining about your partner not only in front of them but maybe even in front of your friends, family or colleagues. If you are not happy with something, remind yourself that you very likely have flaws too. Complaining does one thing it ridicules a partner. Some of us might do it in the hope that the partner is changing the unwanted behaviour, but instead, you actually will build an invisible brick wall between you and your partner.
What forms of complaining do I mean?
- Complaining to your partner directly where only your partner and you are present
- Complaining about your partner to others without your partner being present
- And the worst one of all I believe, and borderline of verbal abuse is complaining about your partner in front of others with your partner being present.
2. Comparing your partner to others
XYZ’s partner is doing these things for them, why can you not do them for me? This is emotional blackmail. It highlights that you only would feel appreciated or loved when your partner behaves like another person. Understand that XYZ’s partner very likely has attributes you would not like. Nobody is perfect. Putting your partner into competition with someone else makes them only feel not appreciated or not enough. They are unique. Why not highlighting what you appreciate about them?
There is also another form of comparing. You compare your partner to previous partners you have had. This could be either, that you highlight what your ex-partner did better or you maybe tell your partner that they are as horrible as your Ex. Remind yourself that your current partner is not your Ex! Very often we find ourselves comparing them to others when we have not let go or not completely healed from previous relationships.
3. Giving your partner gender-specific roles
Welcome to the 21st century where people sometimes still believe, the woman is there for cooking and cleaning the house and the man is bringing in the money. Handing out stereotypical gender roles can put a lot of pressure on your partner. Your partner is not your mum or dad. You are in a relationship together as a team. If a man is the better cook or the woman brings in more money why using this against your partner? Equal rights in the relationship are vital!
You are in an argument with your partner about something, which is natural, we never have to agree 100%. Please try to stay away from bringing up previous arguments or starting to get personal with your partner because you only want to win the argument. If you genuinely love them you makeup and do not stew over it for days. Definitely, do not use the silent treatment!
Okay, this is probably one of the most difficult ones. Jealousy. You might look at your partner’s phone or social media; you accuse them of flirting too much. Jealousy is a form of insecurity in yourself. Not feeling good enough. Of course, you might have had past experiences where partners have cheated on you or betrayed you; please do understand that your current partner does not have to do this too. Understand that jealousy only does one thing, it kills your relationship.
6. Pretending to be someone you are not
Well, this is something that a lot of people do when they start dating. They either highlight only all the positive sides of them, or they adjust their view or interests to the view or interests of their desired partner. Be authentic! The reason why I say this is because you will not be able to keep up what you are not.
7. Hardly talking to each other
We all can get stressed at times. But it is crucial that we speak to our partner, about our worries and successes. It always surprises me that people sometimes do not even know what job their partner has or what worries they are going through. It is almost like they live both separate lives. Talk to your partner every day, about your fears, your successes, your desires, and needs. Make sure you listen to each other, not that one of you is the dumping ground for the other person’s worries and needs.
Forgive yourself if you have done one or more of these toxic behaviours. The main part is to understand we all have our flaws; nobody is perfect. We also grow together in a relationship. Maybe all of this can be put together in one sentence: Be the person that you want to have in your life.