True friendship is a vital part of our personal development and growth. How do you know that people who claim to be your friends, are not fake and are your real friends? And how do you differentiate between the two?
What is friendship?
Friendship usually is someone who has the same interest, they are kind, loving, caring and there for you in times when you need them. You can trust them, they know you in the dark and good times. But is this indeed the case or just utopia believing that a true friend is possible? Trust is probably the most crucial part of a friendship like in any relationship. When trust is broken your friendship is broken.
Friendships that look like friendships but they are not.
Friendships which seem real but may have some really sad reasons behind them. Here are some indicators that you might have fallen for a fake friendship.
People who are only there when you hit bad times.
I know, a lot of people put this as an indicator of a real friendship. People who are there for you in bad times. However, unfortunately, some people are only there for you when you are low and hit terrible times, and then you need to have a look why. There are some reasons why people are not friends, but they are there in your bad times.
- It distracts them to look at their own shitty life. They might have a lot of things going on in their life and feel that finally, you are worse off than them.
- They celebrate your downfall. This means that they might have been jealous and only were waiting for you to fall. They want to confirm that they were right and you were wrong.
- Gossip and drama is their passion. Yep, they love it, and they want to find out what exactly happened to only pass it on to everyone they know.
- They have a helpers-syndrome and want to feel needed. This is a sad one, behind there is a lovely person with low self-esteem. They might only feel useful to you when they can help. This can be a category of a friend that can develop into a true friendship. However, with a helpers-syndrome, they will keep you in a state of them feeling to be needed so they will try to keep you in your miserable low state as long as they can.
I am not saying that this is always the case. However, if someone really is only there in your bad times, they cannot be a friend. Good times need to be celebrated too!
People who are just there in your good times.
Yes, this is the total opposite. These people have a totally different agenda.
They want to be part of your success which could be:
- Money. Yes, they leach off you, you might pay for their bills on a night out, or they gain other material things from you.
- Influential connections. They are actually after some other connections you have. These kinds of people are easily spotted as they will always drop hints to you to get them in touch with your contacts.
- Your status symbol. You might be influential or might be very well known. Celebrities worst nightmare, people who are only friends because they are in the headlines and well-known celebrities.
They just feed on your positive energies; if you are broke or lost your job, they might be gone to the next most influential friend.
How to spot a true friend?
True friends are actually there at both times. These are indicators of a good and real friendship.
- They are good listeners. You can spot them because they do not have to give an opinion on everything you say.
- They know who you are because they are interested in you. Real friends will not gossip about you. Of course, they can have different opinions, but they are okay with this.
- They always will keep in touch with you as you are on their priority list.
- Giving and taking is in balance.
- A true friend would not abuse your status. They do not care if you have a lot of money or no money, it does not matter to them. These are friends who are independent; they do not need your status symbol to be successful.
True friendships go through up and downs too. Arguments and disagreements can occur in true friendships because we all grow, we all change. True friendships, however, are okay with your growth and you with theirs. One massive advice: Do not look for perfection. Nobody is perfect not even true friends.