Complaining, we all do it at some point. Maybe you complain about your boss, children, partner, the government, the company where you ordered something from or in general everything around you. Complaining should be used in small doses, but in general, it is a very toxic behavior.
You might think: Why is it toxic? Should I sit there and accept everything that people do to me?
No, of course not, by any means, when you are mistreated or received the wrong food at the restaurant, say something. However these days we take complaining to a level that can’t be healthy and here is why.
It holds you back from doing something about it
Complaining makes someone or something else responsible for your misery. You complain and hope this outside source is changing and is delivering what you expected from them. You make them accountable for your happiness. Of course, if you are not happy with your job, partner, children, a company you ordered something from, you can complain and hope it is changing, but the majority of us still stays in the job or relationships after we complained. We almost seem to get obsessed with changing what other people do to us that we forget to look what we can do. Which sometimes means we need to change the job, stop going to the restaurant which delivered several times horrible food or leave toxic relationships. We almost do not want to embrace change in our lives. We want it fixed, but sometimes we have to understand letting-go is the only way to get our happiness back.
Complaining can be an indicator of perfectionism
The world is not perfect, and it is not meant to be perfect. To be very honest the world is not fair. You will get hurt, lied to, cheated on. People will steal from you, betray or bully you. I do not want to sound negative. However, it is vital that you understand it will happen to you. Like I said before complaining will stop us doing something about it. Take your power back. Learn how to set boundaries. If something is not changing, what do you do? Are you continue complaining and hope it will change or are you taking your power back and walk away from it? I know some of you will say what do you do with human rights complaints or when governments mistreat their citizens. Yes, complain, highlight it, but do not attach your happiness to it, you are more powerful than you think you are.
Complaining will attract lack
Complaining feeds into your lack, instead of inviting abundance into your life, you are highlighting what you do not have. Constant complaining is like a Mantra for Lack. And if you feed into this kind of energy, what will you attract? Yes, more lack! It is almost a filter you put into your mind, and everything around you feels not right. This goes back again to perfectionism.
What can you do? How to use complaining in small doses!?
Complain, but keep in mind, what do you do when your complaint is not being heard?
Are you still staying in this relationship or job or again go to the restaurant which serves horrible food? Are you scared that your life might change? Complaining in small doses can help and of course when something is unfair we need to say something. But it will be toxic if we still complain but do not walk away from stuff. It is an indicator of low self-esteem when we complain constantly but do not remove ourselves from the situation.
Find different solutions
Complaining can feed into stubbornness and can lead to tunnel vision. We might be obsessed getting things sorted the way we think it should be sorted. However, sometimes there might be several solutions to one problem. Ask yourself these questions: Do you have any other options? Are my requests realistic? Does my life depend on it?
Increase your happiness
Understand that there are always good things in life too. Weigh up what are the positives and what are the negatives. Is the situation you are complaining about just one little hiccup or is this something that is so severe that you need to decide to leave? Everything has two sides in life.
Make sure that you know what you want
Some people just complain but do not state what they need or want. They complain as a method of being seen, but they never give a real solution. Make sure that when you complain you have a solution.
Learning to accept that things might not change
Some things might not change, or it might take years to change. A company that mistreats their customers or staff might only change if people are leaving. Sometimes things might not change because people, organizations or things cannot or do not want to change. We take that sometimes very personal. Understand that it does not have anything to do with you. As I said, this world is not a fair place; people will lie, cheat and steal from you. Understand that these people might live with low self-esteem, want to make profits quickly without actually seeing that in the long run, they will lose.
Complaining in small doses is okay. Constant complaining will hold you back from doing the things you need to do to move forward. It helps you to accept that things are not perfect. However, it helps you also to understand that you can make decisions as well. You are more powerful than you think you are and you have more choices than you think you have.