Quick-Fixing our life, we all are guilty of doing that. The thing is it can become a habit, and when quick-fixing your life becomes a habit, it can lead to a lot of misery.
Life can be complicated.
Life can be puzzling, complicated, and beautiful at the same time. Maybe you are floating around, let life happen to you, and hope that somehow life gets better, your dreams will come true, and people will acknowledge and value your talents and gifts.
A lot of us have the 9 – 5 job, that pays for the bills but does not nourish our soul and spirit. Then there are the relationships where we comprised so much that we do not understand why we are actually in that relationship or the friends we have outgrown. Often we shrug those things off, we use false compassion and gratitude and tell ourselves that we should be happy, but we are downright miserable.
We are reactive to life, which means when something is happening, and it needs our attention, we are quick-fixing it; we give it some attention until it is working again. Well, sort of working. But we never go truly to the root cause of the problem. We just quick-fix our lives, put the fires out, and keep our fingers crossed.
That could be when we get fired from a job and compromise our dreams and talents so much to find the next job quickly so we can pay our bills, or we start paying attention to our health when we got a warning signal from our body that might be life-threatening. We quick-fixing it and then fall back into old behaviour patterns again. We are hoping that everything will be okay.
Why are we quick-fixing our lives?
You might ask yourself. Yes, I know, but why is that? And my answer is: You got self-commitment issues. Which means you do not know your self-worth, self-love might sound alien to you.
You try to force your uniqueness into a box you believe society has provided for you. You limit yourself, hide your quirks and talents and try to mould into something you are not because you believe that people love and accept you more if you do that.
If you would live a life that reflects your uniqueness and dreams, you might feel that people would abandon you. And abandonment triggers off our very powerful survival instinct, which tells us, when we are alone, that we are vulnerable and we will die. So we stuck in a life that is mediocre because our survival instinct does not understand that choosing another job or ending a relationship does not mean that we are dying.
What can I do about it?
So how do we get out of it? Because quick-fixing your life only holds together, what might need to go?
1. Surround yourself with positive people, distance yourself from negativity.
Here is the thing, the people we surround ourselves with have a direct effect on how we feel, behave and how we live our lives. If the people you surround yourself with are negative, you very likely feel negative too. Your inner circle must reflect what kind of life you want to live. I do not mean that you need to dump them all, some of them you might need to cut off completely. Whereas others you just distance yourself and have less contact with them. Often we feel guilty to step back from those people because they were helpful in the past or we know them for so long; however, if they are toxic, negative, belittle you, don’t want you to change, it is time to step back.
2. Increase self-care!
Often we quick-fix our life because we are tired of working on it in depth. I witnessed it so many times that a lot of us neglect our self-care. Eating healthily, getting enough sleep (7 -9 hours per night), working out, connecting with nature, having a hobby, and learn how to destress and relax are all things that belong to self-care. The more relaxed we are in life, the more we make decisions in life that are better for us.
3. Be mindful of what you watch, read, or listening to!
Be mindful of what movies you watch, what you digest on Social Media, what music or podcasts you are listening to? Are they nourishing your soul, or do you feel more anxious, angrier, more worried when you listen to, watch or read those things? Those things influence our decisions. Those things create our perception of this world. Again, like negative people, we need to cut those negative things out and replace them with positive ones.
4. Commit to yourself!
When we try to attach our self-worth to the opinion of others, we often do not have boundaries or think that we should let people overstep those boundaries. We need to detach from the need to people-please. Don’t be scared that when you set a boundary that other people will dislike it. That is okay if they hate it, it is their problem, and they are not the people you want to surround yourself with! Stay true to yourself!
5. Learn about yourself!
Journal every single day! Journaling is one of the cheapest and best ways to improve your life! To acknowledge what needs to change. What your dreams, struggles, or break-throughs are.
6. Be patient and consistent!
Here is something that you might not want to hear!
Improving your life and working towards your happiness takes time and commitment. We often are addicted to quick-fixing our life because we feel it takes too much time and effort to invest in ourselves. We see all the things that need to change, and we get tired. I totally get it, I have been there, and a lot of clients of mine have been there before they come and see me. But see it like that, time flies by anyway. Time is not waiting for you. And if you take steps today, no matter how small they are, they will add up in the end.
Changing a habit takes around three weeks. Making it a routine takes about 12 weeks, and then you face the wobbles in between when it gets tricky when your mind tries to go back to the old behaviour pattern. That is where we need to make sure that our inner circle is healthy and supportive! That is when we need to push a little harder to stay on track. And that might be the time when you might even go and see a Life-Coach or Therapist who supports you during those times and is holding the space for you.
I am rooting for you!
There are no quick fixes in life. They don’t last, and often they prevent you from growing. I wish you the courage and a Strong Heart to go and stop quick-fixing your life! I am rooting for you!
TTFN, Tata For Now.